“If we can just keep pushing through this thing, then we can pause.”
“Just one more thing.”
“We have been wanting to meet with them, I know we are tired but we can do it.”
“We aren’t doing enough, we should be doing more.”
“People around us are doing so much more. Their ministry seems to be going so well.”
“If we just pick ourselves up by our bootstraps, buck up, we can do it.”
“We are so busy, but busy is a good thing.”
“People need us so we can’t rest. They are counting on us.”
“Resting means we are weak.”
These are some of the lies we have been telling ourselves and the devil has been telling us over the last couple of months. Probably if I am to be honest, we have been saying this for the last year. And then about a month ago our lack of talking with each other and lack of connection with the father, the conversations turned to this:
“I can’t do this [life/busyness/ministry] anymore.”
“I feel like I am at the point of breaking. I keep bending and I feel as though I might snap.”
We have prayer cards that we have and share with supporters, and we always put our marriage as one of the prayer points. We have had people say we shouldn’t do that, because it sounds like there is a problem. The devil lies. He whispers, “asking for prayer is weak, we should be strong.” ” We should have it all together.”
After that conversation a month ago, we knew we would have time in the middle of our next work trip in Bucharest, so we booked a hotel on the seaside and decided to dedicated the time to resting in the Lord and reconnecting.
We hadn’t realized how much the devil had been feeding each of us lies separately and we were listening and believing them. We were pulling away. We spend all day, every day together, yet we felt isolated from each other. We were functioning with out being.
Healing began. Slowly. We began by sharing what we had been reading lately. I was reading the book “Being an Aroma of Christ” by Karen Pearce. She use to live in Romania as a missionary with her family. I felt understood and laughed at the funny cultural moments she describes, which I have known all too well. Then I got to a chapter on Spiritual Warfare and it hit me, we were under attack.
We made our 2 days a phone free space and sat and talked. We started to share the lies that we were feeling and speaking truth to them. Encouraging each other in how much Jesus cares for us and what the Bible has to say. We watched sermons in English. We prayed together. We ate good food and walked on a very cold sea shore.
We began to shift our thoughts.
Though we may be facing difficult times, it is no less a testament of his love for us.
If we are to be stronger, we MUST rest.
The closer we draw to the Lord, the stronger we will be.
Jesus asks us to be faithful, not perfect.
It is not our strength but God’s strength in which we should be operating out of.
God loves us. He is fighting for us. He has won already!
I don’t write this to worry friends. We are not done. We are not leaving. I write this to encourage you to check where the devil is lying to you. To ask if you have someone to speak truth into your life.
I write this to ask you to continue to pray for us, our marriage, and ministry. Just because the healing process has begun, we know we continue to be in the midst of the fight. We have reevaluated our self care plan and daily still we are verbally speaking out the lies and speaking truth to them.